Beyond Size: The Power of Love and Self-Acceptance

 By: Dr. Barbara Bartlik on why true intimacy starts within

When Dr. Ruth Westheimer famously declared, “Size doesn’t matter. What matters is love,” she wasn’t just offering cheeky advice about sexual relationships. According to Dr. Barbara Bartlik, an integrative psychiatrist and advocate for emotional wellness, the quote speaks to a more profound truth about human connection, self-worth, and the power of acceptance.

“Dr. Ruth was reminding people that physical measurements don’t define intimacy. It’s fueled by affection, trust, and emotional closeness,” Bartlik explains. “What makes a sexual relationship fulfilling isn’t size—it’s the love and respect two people share.”

The Trap of Comparison

But Bartlik urges us to look beyond the literal interpretation. In her view, the wisdom behind Dr. Ruth’s words applies to all aspects of life where comparison and insecurity creep in. “Many people fixate on perceived shortcomings—whether it’s their height, weight, facial features, or other physical traits they can’t change,” she says. “This constant self-criticism erodes confidence and can keep individuals from fully engaging in relationships, careers, and life itself.”

The danger lies in comparison. Measuring oneself against others rarely leads to growth; more often, it breeds jealousy, shame and self-doubt. Bartlik emphasizes, “You don’t have to look like someone else or have what they have to be valuable. You’re already enough as you are.”

The Essential Practice of Self-Acceptance

Self-acceptance, she argues, is not passive resignation but an active embrace of one’s authentic self. “It starts by saying: ‘This is me. I may not be perfect, but I am worthy of love and belonging,” Bartlik advises.

This inner work is vital because self-rejection often spills into relationships. “If you’re constantly putting yourself down, it’s hard to receive love fully. You may even sabotage relationships by assuming others see you the way you see yourself.”

By contrast, self-acceptance creates space for healthier connections. When individuals feel whole and at peace with themselves, they are better equipped to give and receive love with greater ease.

Freedom from Judgment

Bartlik also cautions against internalizing negativity from others. “If someone puts you down, remember—it may say more about them than it does about you. Their judgment isn’t necessarily truth,” she says. Instead of letting criticism define you, focus on your own voice.

“Value and vitality don’t depend on external validation,” she adds. “They come from within, from living with integrity and embracing your unique worth.”

A New Kind of Confidence: Living From the Inside Out

Ultimately, Bartlik’s message is about liberation—from comparison, from self-criticism, and from the false belief that external factors determine worth. “Stop chasing ideals that aren’t yours,” she urges. “Your power lies in embracing your authentic self.”

She encourages readers to cultivate habits that foster self-acceptance: practice gratitude for what your body can do, surround yourself with supportive people, and engage in activities that bring you feel alive and joy.

The Final Word: You Are Enough

In the end, love—both self-love and shared love—transcends size, shape, or any other arbitrary standard. “Your value isn’t measured by numbers or others’ opinions,” Bartlik reflects. “It’s measured by the kindness you show yourself, the connections you nurture, and the life you create with what you have.”

Her advice is both simple and transformative: “Accept yourself fully. Celebrate your unique story. And remember—your worth was never up for debate.”

 

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Dr. Barbara Bartlik is a renowned integrative psychiatrist with over three decades of clinical experience, specializing in the intersection of mental health, sexual health, and functional medicine. Board-certified in psychiatry and a fellow of the American Psychiatric Association, she is celebrated for her holistic approach to treating trauma, anxiety, depression, and sexual dysfunction.  As an editor of Integrative Sexual Health (a volume in Dr. Andrew Weil’s Integrative Medicine Library), Dr. Bartlik brings academic rigor to her innovative work. She integrates lifestyle medicine, nutritional strategies, and mind-body therapies into psychiatric care, helping patients achieve transformative healing.

A sought-after speaker and media contributor, she addresses audiences worldwide on topics from PTSD recovery to menopause and andropause support. Based in Manhattan, Dr. Bartlik continues to redefine mental health care for the modern age—bridging science, compassion, and whole-person wellness.